In one of his songs, rapper Drake said, “Tell me why I always fall for your type.”
This is a question a lot of us ask but have zero answers to.
We always tell ourselves that next time would be different, but the next lover, most of the time is just as bad as the previous one.
A study done by social psychologists at the University of Toronto (U of T) suggests that people look for the same type of person that they had a previous relationship with, over and over again.
It is like people are wired to date a person who has a certain personality that they yearn for.
Lead author Yoobin Park says, “It’s common that when a relationship ends, people attribute the breakup to their ex-partner’s personality and decide they need to date a different type of person.”
But the study conducted says otherwise.
“Our research suggests there’s a strong tendency to nevertheless continue to date a similar personality,” he added.
The data came from an ongoing study that focuses on couples and families. There were 332 respondents that had their current and past partners’ personalities examined.
It was revealed that there was a correlation in a respondent’s significant other, and that the respondents tend to look for that certain type of character repeatedly.
Park said that, “The effect is more than just a tendency to date someone similar to yourself,”.
Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., in a post written in Psychology Today said that “as we come to know our patterns, we can start to make different choices about who we date.”
What she is saying is that if we want to avoid dating the same person over and over again, then we should give our dating history a look.
Furthermore, she says it all boils down to one’s defenses, which is the basic law of attraction.
Let’s say you’re a person who is more reserved and quiet, then you would probably want a partner who is loud and aggressive.
Firestone said we choose partners that we think satisfy what we need and want.
“We choose partners, then, who reinforce familiar attitudes we’ve long had toward ourselves. You may think you were drawn to the aloof and mysterious guy because he seemed deep and interesting, but ultimately, you may have been drawn in by his emotional absence or inability to fully relate to you.”
Couples won’t always see eye to eye on a variety of aspects in relationships. Some would even avoid arguments just to save their relationship, and it shouldn’t be this way.
A study suggests that couples who get into frequent arguments will see their relationship last longer than those who do not.
Deborah Grody, a clinical psychologist, said that relationships die when couples don’t see each other at the level of intimacy as they used to when they were just starting out.
“Relationships that can’t be saved are relationships where the flam
e has completely gone out.”
The absence of fighting and arguments are basically a sign which means the couple does not care for each other anymore. This does not mean that arguments are needed all the time, it’s just that arguments need to be handled in a constructive manner.
James McNulty of Florida State University published a study in 2012 that said, “Sometimes expressing anger might be necessary to resolve a relationship problem.”
The question then is how do you start an argument in the right way?
Experts of the study say that it is always better to ask first before doing any complaining. It is also important to try and think about what caused the problem in the first place.
Rather than competing with your partner in throwing hu
rtful words, one must listen and clarify after as it shows how much you care for your partner and your relationship.
Words that can really hurt are common in heated arguments and experts say that producing your own is useless as it just makes the situation worse. If the other partner does it, then the other should just keep their ears open to make it look like they care. Do not be afraid to ask things that are not clear to you.
It is very unusual, but experts also suggest to schedule arguments. This is a good way to reduce the negativity of arguments.
“Having a ceasefire will allow you both to think more clearly. The best thing about calling a timeout is that you can really drill down on the issue without your (or his) temper aggravating it.”
Scheduling will also reduce the intensity of arguments. Arguments that come up right away are usually heated.
“Most of the time, things are said on impulse in the heat of anger,”.
Always apologize if you’re the one who caused the problem, and do not worry about arguments, just remember they strengthen your relationship.
Joseph Grenny, co-author of the New York Times bestseller Crucial Conversations.
“The biggest mistake that couples make is avoidance,” he said. “We feel something but say nothing. At least until we can’t stand it anymore. So we wait until we are certain to discuss it poorly before we bring it up.
‘The success of a relationship is determined by the way in which sensitive issues are debated. True love takes work. Real intimacy is not just about love but is also about truth. And crucial conversations are the vehicle for surfacing truth in a way that accelerates a feeling of intimacy, trust, and connection,” he added.
OkCupid is an US-based, internationally operating online dating, friendship, and social networking website that features multiple-choice questions in order to match members.
It was launched in 2004 and has seen success in recent years.
The app has helped thousands with dating, but one couple stood out.
Jam and Jason Kotenko shared their story on how the app led them to where they are now.
Jam, who is from the Philippines, said that she doesn’t really like dating in real life because one has to waste their time pretending to be somebody they’re not and that is exhausting.
“The thing that I dislike about in real-life dating is that you come into it nervous because you’re afraid the other person won’t like the real you, so you end up putting up a front, only to realize months into the relationship that you’re exhausted from pretending to be someone you’re not.”
She also added that with online dating, you can immediately show the real you and won’t have to waste time trying to figure out if they like you or not.
“Online dating gives you the opportunity to show the real you right off the bat without the pressure, and if the other person isn’t really feeling your flow, you can easily move on to the next connection.”
OkCupid is different from other dating apps as it asks the user multiple choice questions then matches them with a user with the same answers.
“Well, we were both heavily addicted to answering the questionnaires that OkCupid made users answer in order to provide you with better matches. It sort of became a game, for me personally.”
Jam also revealed that she was the one who hit him up.
“I was very friendly—I told him that he sounded like a great guy to have a decent conversation with. Then I gave him my email address and told him that if he was interested in continuing our back and forth, he could shoot me a message outside of the platform.”
Jason said that going to another platform like emailing would give you the opportunity to know the person on a deeper level.
“Getting into email meant that we would be able to get to know each other more deeply, rather than just exchanging pleasantries over and over.”
Jason was just happy that he had somebody to talk to and did not expect anything special to happen.
“I didn’t really come into it with any plan beyond feeling a little less lonely. At that point I was happy to have someone to talk to and write messages back and forth with.”
Jam was surprised on how exciting their chemistry with each other was.
“I felt very kilig, of course. It made me excited to see where our thing was going. It didn’t really change much in our communication—things felt very natural.”
Jason also said that his past relationships did not develop as fast as this one with Jam.
“In my relationship with Jam, we moved pretty quickly, because when you are on opposite sides of the world, you only get a few chances to figure it out. It felt so natural that it really just didn’t make sense to delay.”
They were talking constantly for several months and knew that they were meant for each other.
“I knew we were getting serious because after he got back to the States, it felt stupid that we were apart. He felt the same way, because he quit his job, sold his possessions, and moved to the Philippines five months after and stayed for a full year. That escalation, that undeniable desire to not be apart anymore was when we knew… this was it.”
They got together one time and got intoxicated, and this was the point where everything escalated to marriage.
“After a few months in the States, I knew it was time to take the next step. We ended up at the home of some friends of ours out in the country in Pennsylvania for New Year’s, where we got very drunk.”
Jason knew that it was time to make it official and propose. It was something out of a fairytale.
” While he had me in his arms, he asked me if I wanted to get married. I thought he misspoke, so I asked him to repeat what he said and when he did, I stupidly asked, ‘Are you sure?’ I’m glad I did though, because his answer was one of the best things he ever said to me in all our years together, and I will never forget it: ‘I am. I’ve been sure for a long time.'”
They did not care for a big wedding, because to them what was important was that they had each other during the celebration.
“That said, you can have a nice wedding without going overboard. For us, it was just a matter of timing and our geographical isolation from both of our families and closest friends at the time we got married.”
“I loved that we did everything so simple and so regular: I had a $20 white dress on. We didn’t have guests at our wedding, only two of my relatives so they can be witnesses on paper. We had our ‘reception’ at one of our favorite restaurants. And for our honeymoon? Disneyland. What made it great was the fact that it would have been any other day in the lives of Jam and Jason, except for the fact that we now were man and wife,” Jam added.
Now that they are together, Jam decided that a normal job is not what she wanted.
“Of course, now that we have kids and they are still young, I personally made the decision to hold off on going beyond once in a while freelance work so that I can be a more hands-on mom.”
Jason’s career is very important to him since it is the main factor that can support his family.
“We both like to explore new places and we both often dream of where we’re going to live next.”
They described their love for one another as ‘stable’.
It’s a relief to have a love that is reliable and strong that no longer requires proof because we just know. Any grand gesture that happens these days is just icing on top of an already delicious cake.”
There are people out there who are still waiting for the ‘right one’ and Jason had something to say about it.
“On one hand, don’t give up. On the other, don’t try too hard. Focus on building a great life for yourself.”
“If you chance upon someone you feel is worth the effort, go for it! Relationships don’t happen magically, so take the chance and put yourself out there. Don’t be afraid to get hurt because that is part of the process. It will help you know yourself better and know what you want from a partner better,” Jam added.
“hi friends pls tell me abt the farthest, dumbest and most unnecessary thing you did for a crush/SO bc i know love makes us stupid”
hi friends pls tell me abt the farthest, dumbest and most unnecessary thing you did for a crush/SO bc i know love makes us stupid
mine was to write his paper; that got him his first uno in the class
— Chesca Persia (@chescapersia) June 2, 2019
This is what Chesca Persia asked her Twitter followers. She wanted to know the stupidest things they’ve done for people they were attracted to.
She shared her own experience with her crush. She even took a Physics class just to be close to him. They dated for a while, and one day she saw his resumé which she thought could use some work so she edited it.
“tapos i saw his resume while we were on a date sKsskKsksK i snappedt and edited that shit HAHAHA ang pangit ih”.
She said the guy ended up being the top student in his class because of what she did for him.
“that got him his first uno in the class”.
“keep those kwentos coming @/ my mentions and quote rts! i guess everyone’s dumb when they’re inlove good to know im not alone 😂
so i dated this rlly dumb guy (in my defense i never liked him, just dated for a bit) tapos i saw his resume while we were on a date sKsskKsksK i snappedt and edited that shit HAHAHA ang pangit ih
— Chesca Persia (@chescapersia) June 2, 2019
A lot of her followers shared similar experiences.
i actually have a bunch of stories but this recent one is I legit did the emergency birth control method on top of my normal birth control because he kept cumming in me. sometimes even twice in one day and my hormones kept getting out of whack and i'd feel like shit but yeah
— idiot sandwich. (@lunatricxxx) June 3, 2019
Went to the hospital for a few weeks because ex lost his memory and all he could remember was me (+ fam ko, fam niya). His mom ignored me like I’m a ghost but I stayed until he got well. Things did not work out in the end. Mmk story but that’s the gist. Lost my job along the way.
— beanne sese (@zombeanne) June 4, 2019
I BOUGHT THREE BOXES OF PIZZA FEEDING THE PROF AND ALL MY CLASSMATES IN A PE CLASS SO THAT I CAN SEE HIM EAT
— Mierda (@whnkdrmslf) June 2, 2019
In life, we face failures, discouragement, problems, and pain that sometimes we choose to hide them within ourselves. Unconsciously, we become prisoners of our own problems and ending one’s life has become the final solution for some people.
This is what we call “depression,” a common and serious illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think, and how you act. Losing interest in what once you enjoyed is a symptom of having depression. And if not detected and treated, it can be a threat to one’s life, like Kurtiee John Cairo Hierco who committed suicide because of depression.
Brye-brye Bendaño Ortega posted on his Facebook account that a good friend took his own life because of depression.
“Dear, depression. One good friend took his own life because of you. Nagtagumpay ka na naman. May susunod pa kaya? Sana naman ay wala.”
According to him, this is for those who can’t visit a specialist. “Depression” comes in a time when we cannot accept an unexpected situation that may happen to ourselves. And it is a matter of accepting that everything doesn’t work the way we want it to be, but that all we have to do is learn to face reality.
“All problems have their own solutions and failure is just a part of growing up to become a better version of ourselves,” this was Ortega’s words of encouragement to all who are depressed, and he continues that “if something’s not working or going right, then let life go on.
“If something’s not working or going right, then move forward. Life goes on. And if plans A, B, and C don’t work, remember, andaming letra sa alphabet.”
For all those who are brokenhearted, though it is really painful to accept that love is gone, only time can heal the scars. If a relationship won’t work the way you wanted to, then leave it because you cannot force someone to love you. And there will come a time that someone would accept and love you for being who you are.
“Kung hindi na talaga mag work out ang relationship, wag nang ipilit. Love without love is like a flower that doesn’t blossom, pale, boring. Meron at merong magmamahal sa’tin sa kung ano at meron tayo.”
For him “Acceptance is the key” as he believes “Everything happens for a reason.” As he asked, “Why dwell on something that’s not making us happy anymore? We all want to be happy after all.
Ang sarap mabuhay. Maikli na nga ang buhay, pinapaikli pa natin lalo.”
His main advice for all who are depressed is to “Think positively” and with the guidance of Almighty God, the first person who can help yourself is you rather than taking your own life.
“Isipin mo pamilya mo, ang kinabukasan nila at kinabukasan mo, mga kaibigan at mga taong nagmamahal sa’yo.”
Reach out and learn to open up to the people who love you, with what you’re going through, and they will not give you only their time but they would do anything just to make you feel better. And most important is to pray and trust God for He has a better plan for us all.
D E P R E S S I O NDear, depression. One good friend took his own life because of you. Nagtagumpay ka na naman. May…
Mga Kawikaan 3:5-6
Tumiwala ka sa Panginoon ng buong puso mo, at huwag kang manalig sa iyong sariling kaunawaan:
Kilalanin mo Siya sa lahat ng iyong mga lakad, at kaniyang ituturo ang iyong mga landas.
And for his best friend who passed away, it was too late for them to notice that he was struggling with depression. That all those times, he was just wearing a mask to hide his true feelings and suddenly gave up and took his life.
At para sa isang butihing kaibigan, Kurtiee John Cairo Hierco, alam naming masaya ka kung nasaan ka man ngayon. You no longer feel pain am sure. Lahat nagtatanong kung bakit mo ginawa. Tinanong kita kung okay ka lang at ang sabi oo okay ka pero yun pala ay hindi. Bakit ikaw pa e ang bait mong tao. Pero wala e. Nangyare na. Wala ka na. Ingat ka dyan a. Pakiyakap na lang si Ama at si Papa Jesus para sa’min. Guide mo pamilya mo at mga taong nagmamahal sayo. We’ll see you again, in paradise. Paalam kaibigan.”
How would you define love?
The dictionary says “love is to like another adult very much and be romantically and sexually attracted to them or to have strong feelings of liking a friend or person in your family.”
This means that love is an affection which a person has perceived. But one disagrees, because for him, love is not affection but a promise.
“Maglalabinlimang taon, at ngayon ko lang natitiyak na hindi pakiramdam ang pagmamahal, kundi pangako—na mamahalin ninyo…
A captioned post has been going around Facebook, made by Jerry B. Gracio, an ABS- CBN writer who made people relate to his point of view about love.
" …..hindi pakiramdam ang pagmamahal, kundi pangako—na mamahalin ninyo ang isa’t isa, may nararamdaman ka man o…
On his post, Jerry started to share about his love partner “Mon,” who would travel for three days with his friend for work in Baguio. And few days before, Mon was so jealous because he had seen Jerry talking with somebody. He was anxious about it that it won’t make him feel sleepy, and wanted to argue with it.
Before Mon left for the job, he leaves a message for Jerry saying “Je, three days lang akong mawawala, huwag kang gagawa ng kahit ano na pagkakagalitan natin, may tiwala ako sa ‘yo,” Then Jerry only smiled.
May ganitong mga umaga na aalmusalin mong nililimi ang post tulad nito ni Sir Jerry B. Grácio:"Maglalabinlimang taon,…
At that moment, Jerry’s admitted that he used to flirt but he knows his limitations. He also knows who he should love, though sometimes he doesn’t feel it.
Jerry led him to the car and Mon kissed him on the lips, in front of the people in their place before he set off. He said, “Ako ang nahiya. Tangna, ilang laláki ang hahalik sa ‘yo sa labas, sa harap ng maraming tao?”
Jerry can attest of Mon’s love for him, though sometimes he doesn’t feel the same way.
For fifteen years in a relationship with him, that was the moment that he was so sure that love is not an affection but a promise – a promised to love each other with or without the feeling of liking.
Kanina, bigla na lang nagsabi si Mong na aalis siya. Tumawag palá sa barkada ko, sasáma raw sa trabaho, naiinip na sa…
For him, you cannot depend on your life on mutable feelings. But having an affirmation to love one another, either with or without the affection, because love is not an affection nor an infatuation.
Love is indeed a very intricate thing. To some it can be complicated, but to others, it is just as simple as “ABC”.
Take the case of Gary and Almeda Hardwick. Gary is 53 years younger than Almeda, who is 72 years old. Hard to believe? Let us read about their love story.
Age Does Not Matter.
The couple met at the funeral of Almeda’s son, Robert. After two weeks, they got married.
It was, according to Almeda, a whirlwind romance. Married for 43 years, Almeda said her second marriage is very much different from the first one.
Her first marriage was just that, a marriage. Her union with Gary, though is full of romance and sweetness which she never experienced with her first husband.
The Magical Thing Called Love.
The romance between Gary and Almeda is truly magical. Who would ever imagine romance blooming between a 72-year old woman and a man 53 years junior than her?
The couple believed that they are each other’s soulmate. According to them, they hand a wonderful time on their honeymoon. Both were satisfied with each other.
Gary said Almeda is the woman of her dreams. His love for her truly reflects on the way he talks about her and how he is proud of their relationship.
On Love, Life and Relationships
Almeda is currently hosting a talk show called Girl’s Talk. This show tackles on love, life and relationships. On the show, Almeda offers pieces of advice and tips about relationships.
On her first segment, she answered a question about how to make love last. In every aspect of a relationship, it is always best to keep the communication lines open.
According to her, if there is a problem, or even just a small indifference, sit down and talk. When couples truly love each other, regardless of what obstacles and trials come their way, what they have will last. True love will conquer anything.
In his catechists series on the Commandments on October 24, Pope Francis stated that no relationship is authentic without fidelity and loyalty.
“One cannot love only as long as ‘it’s convenient’; love manifests itself beyond the threshold of one’s own advantage, when everything is given without reserve.”
He then added that love is not an arrangement until further notice as fidelity is needed in mature human relationships. This doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships, but friendships as well. He said that a friend “proves himself authentic because he remains a friend in all circumstances.
“The faithful Friend who welcomes us even when we make mistakes and always wants what is good for us, even when we do not deserve it.”
Pope Francis then added that unconditional love is actually a human need.
“And those who do not receive this acceptance carry within themselves a certain incompleteness, often without knowing it.
“The risk is calling unripe and immature relationships “love,” with the illusion of finding the light of life in something that is at best only a reflection of it.”
He warned people that this may lead people to giving too much weight on physical attraction.
“Fidelity is indeed a way of being, a style of life. One works with loyalty, one speaks with sincerity, one remains faithful to the truth in one’s own thoughts, in one’s own actions.
“A life woven in fidelity is expressed in all dimensions and leads us to be men and women who are faithful and trustworthy in every circumstance.”
The latest Social Weather Stations (SWS) survey conducted last December 8 to 16, 2017 has shown that three out of five Filipinos selected career over love life.
Regardless of their gender, 81% or four out of five who chose their respective careers are single. There is 57% who wanted to live a happier love life while 54% who are in a very happy relationship but preferred the same.
The SWS survey found out that 14% emphasized that they “do not need to have a love life”, while 29% shared “it could be happier”, and 57% explained that their love life is “very happy”.
LUCKY IN LOVE AND LIFE
The study showed that 84% believed that it is possible to succeed in both love and career at the same point in their lives with 58% who answered “definitely possible” and 26% who answered “somewhat possible”.
There is also about 3% who answered “definitely impossible” and 5% who answered “somewhat impossible” or only 8% who believed that it is impossible to be victorious in their respective career and love life at the same time.
The preference for success in both the career and love life was high among those who have live-in partners and married individuals.
According to the SWS survey, among the respondents who agreed that they experience success in both their career and love life were men with live-in partners at 76%, married men at 72%, single men who are widowed/separated/divorced at 59%, and single men who never got married at 36%.
On the other hand, it was also high among single women at 30%, 55% from single but widowed/separated/divorced women, 68% from married women, and women with live-in partners at 72%.
The personal experience of having a “happy” career and love life at the same time was highest among respondents who are “very happy” with their love life at 76%, followed by individuals whose love life “could be happier” at 58%, and the people who have no love life with only 38%.
HAPPY MARRIED LOVE LIFE
The SWS survey said that respondents who were happier with their love life are married with men at 71% and women, at 62% versus those who have live-in partners with 62% of men and 53% of women.
However, there were single men at 36% and women at 28% who had never been married while singles who are widowed/separated/divorced have men at 21% and women at 23%.
The survey also found out that younger single men are “happier” with their love life in contrast to younger single women when it comes to being single.
The study also revealed that 28% of single women aged 18 to 34 years old were “very happy” with their love life compared to single men of the same age group at 45%.
Meanwhile, 35% of single women aged 35 years old and above were “very happy” with their respective love life compared to single men of the same age group at 16%.
The SWS survey concluded that having no relationship was more common among older single respondents compared to the young ones.
The study was conducted with 1,200 adult respondents through a face-to-face interview.
Valentine’s day is just around the corner and people are already posting on social media the gifts that they received or planning to give to their lover. Whatever kind of gift it may be, we’re sure that it’s pretty something.
However, we also know for sure that receiving a special gift from your family is the best feeling ever! Just like how this Twitter netizen felt so happy after receiving an early Valentine’s gift coming from his dad!
This netizen shared on Twitter his conversation with his dad regarding his coming out. “Sobrang naiyak ako. I love you, Pa!” as said on the post. See their convo below:
This is the most heartfelt part.
Based on screenshots of their conversation, the twitter netizen opened up about his sexuality and was accepted by his father wholeheartedly.
His dad also shared how proud he is of him and that he accepts him no matter what or who he is.
His dad told him that he was never once ashamed of him and that his only wish is for him to finish his studies, which would make him even happier. In the end, his father even invited him and his special someone to a dinner together with his sibling.
*Awww, we’re not crying, you are!*
If you don’t have a special someone to celebrate Valentine’s day, don’t forget that you can always celebrate it with your friends and of course, your family! After all, the gift of family is just may be the best gift we could ever receive.
Spread love and positivity this Valentine’s! (Credits to Twitter netizen: @_ivannnnn)
TAGS: dad accepts his son, Emmanuel Galang, Ivan Jerome Panis, Ivan Jerome Panis Emmanuel Galang, Love, Love Wins, LoveWins, Pride, Twitter, twitter netizen shares convo with dad, twitter trend, Valentine's day