A man from UK wrote to The Guardian’s relationship advice column with an odd conundrum—what to do after realizing you have slept with your girlfriend’s dad after a meeting with the family?
The highly peculiar story was published by The Guardian on March 12, where the man, who remained anonymous, said that he was planning to propose to his girlfriend and from there went to meet her parents at a luncheon, only to find out that her father was his former lover, when he went through a “bi phase” five years ago.
“(I) used to sleep around with pretty much everyone that came along, including other men,” wrote the man.
“This changed when I fell in love with my new partner, who is everything to me,” he added.
The miserable letter-sender also explained that he was considering telling his partner, but the father told him to break up with his girlfriend.
“I’m obviously in love—shall I just ignore him, or tell my partner?” asked the man.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly, a US-based psychotherapist, in response to his inquiry for the Guardian, advised him to ‘walk away’ from his current relationship.
“I am not sure you could ever have a comfortable future with your new partner. To tell the truth would be to court disaster: a probable break-up, plus the risk of a permanent rift between father and daughter and father and wife. Hiding the truth would lead to toxic secret-keeping that could be equally destructive in the long run,” said Connolly.
“If this whole family was as open-minded and sexually open as you, it might be possible for you to become part of it. However, the father – your former lover – has made it clear that you will not be welcome. Walk away now, and avoid the massive pain that would otherwise be inflicted on your partner, her family, and yourself,” she remarked.
TAGS: anonymous letter sender, bisexuality, LGBTQ community, LGBTQ+, man found out his GF's dad was his former lover, Pamela Stephenson Connolly, relationship advice, relationship advice column, Relationships, The Guardian
An article on The Philippine STAR received positive reactions as it featured the touching story of Ces Drilon‘s relationship with her bisexual and cross-dresser son, Andre.
The feature was written by Tanya T. Lara and it was revealed there that there was “no drama” when Andre came out to his broadcast journalist and news anchor mom.
When he came out to her by saying “Mom, I’m bisexual”, she just answered “Really? Okay…” then proceeded on talking about other stuff. Ces admitted that she did not know what to say.
“Di ko na alam ang sasabihin ko. I should have engaged him, I should have asked, ‘Do you know about condoms?’”
Ces proceeded to ask her son if he’s also attracted to guys, which he directly answered “Yes.”
Andre then interpreted being bisexual as a person who “inhabits a stranger role in LGBTQ because they’re neither one side nor the other. Other people think it’s a step down from being gay.
“I think gender identity is natural. I identify as a male or sometimes I’m gender fluid, which means it varies over time. I don’t always inhabit the gender of a boy, so it’s non-binary, it’s neither male nor female. The LGBTQ community can be sensitive about these terms, so it’s better to be not just tolerant but also careful and curious about the nuances of gender identity.
“When you talk about gender, it’s not the same as sexuality.”
But what did Ces feel when she saw her son wearing a skirt for the first time? She said that she “didn’t think anything of it” and even told him that she got better skirts than the one he was wearing.
“Never. You just love and accept your children,” she said.
She then posted photos of her son in her Instagram account and shared her thoughts about her son and how she salutes him.
I always say @vrtualdump is the daughter I never had! Then when he started to borrow some of my clothes, I have to confess I had mixed feelings. But I am so proud that here is my son, breaking gender norms. It is a gutsy bold move that I salute.
Ces received praise for her open-mindedness and reaction to her son’s gender.
Host and athlete Gretchen Ho complimented the story and labeled it as “inspiring” in her recent tweet.
The struggles behind the camera too. Inspiring story of mom and son @cesdrilon
Twitter user @skypenzomiguel said that he hopes that people would be more open about gender fluidity.
Kudos to Andre and Ces Drilon. I just read your article in the Philippine Star. I love your mother and son relationship. I hope people nowadays can be more open and know about gender fluidity much more.
An Intagram user also called Andre lucky for having a mother like Ces.
Just read the article from @philstarlifestyle and your son is very lucky to have a mother like you miss Ces @cesdrilon ❤️❤️❤️
Fellow broadcast journalist Rikki Mathay said that Ces inspired her in both work and motherhood.
I remember you bringing your then little boys in the studio. They were beautiful kids then, and they’re all beautiful men now. Parenthood was still a far-fetched notion for me at that time, but seeing how you seemed to seamlessly juggle- and excel!- both at work and motherhood left a mark on me. 😊 …You just keep on being an inspiration, tita Ces. God bless you! ❤️
A netizen shared that she’s proud of Ces and Andre’s heartwarming relationship.
Hello Ms Ces, I just read the article and I’m really proud and happy for you and Andre!Motherhood is the toughest job there is… most of the time we Mothers have the biggest share in our kids’ life (Sorry fathers…). I wish that Andre will find true happiness and fulfilment in life… Always pray and trust the Lord and He will do the rest. Have a blessed Sunday!
Instagram user itspaml5 commended the mother and son for being real in the article.
@cesdrilon I just read this. Am so touched by this beautifully written article because of the sincerity that both you and Andre showed all throughout. Both your struggles are so real, yet you both have such positive outlooks, and such great love and support for each other. Thank you, Andre and Ces, for sharing your stories. Both my mind and my heart are opened by this
I’ve always considered it as a lie, this is a confession. We may mix up sexual fluidity with bisexuality, but according to the studies collected by Pink News, the two are different and convey different definitions.
Personally. I did not believe it back then. I found it as an excuse to not completely outing yourself from the closet. It’s like the phase where you are still confused whether you are gay or not. But through the years, with some guidance of studies and experiences, sexual fluidity exists.
As they would put it, they have no gender but their sexuality is mostly fluid if you know what I mean.
Since the studies suggest that it happens often with women, a research in 2008 was quoted, “Women should always be encouraged to have an open dialogue with their healthcare providers about a wide array of health concerns and also feel comfortable in discussing any lifestyle changes,” executive director Dr. JoAnn Pinkertonn of NAMS.
Studies also clarified that bisexuality is ‘a heightened capacity for sexual fluidity’, and it best describes what kind of sexuality is that.
When the term ‘sexually fluid’ came up, Bisexual activists take a toll by pointing out that most of the debates are adding to the bi-erasing culture we have now. The fire even ignited more when media attention caused more trouble by making celebrities look fashionable because of their fluidity when it comes to their sexuality.
Worries still plague the community as it could affect the harmonious relationship of gay people and bisexuals. But fret not, it will not.
To top this all off, yes, sexual fluidity is not a lie.
What do you think guys? Share us your thoughts and comment down below.