There are times wherein you just can’t help but talk to yourself. Whenever you’re worried about something or is somewhat encouraging yourself, you just automatically voice out what you think and answer yourself at the same time.
A lot of us engage in small talks with ourselves on a daily basis but it’s either to motivate or crash ourselves down. According to Psychologist Dr. Karissa Thacker, we aren’t actually fully aware of the language we’re using or the impact of the words that we say to ourselves. Self-talk has a lot of benefits like boost confidence, regulate emotions, and improve overall mood and performance, but it’s really how we talk to ourselves.
There are actually three types of small talks: The positive, neutral, and negative.
Positive small talks are often motivational and can be a series of “You can do this” phrases. It has the possibility to spur us into action. Negative small talks are often emotional and are the effects of dissatisfaction about yourself. Too much negative small talks can affect the mood and can decrease your self-confidence.
Neutral small talks, however, are the random blabbers that you mumble when remembering stuff, for example, remembering the things you needed to buy at the grocery or the chores you needed to accomplish around the house.
It is also a good practice to write down what goes inside your head as it is a good idea to take notice of your random thoughts from time to time. One example given was when a client of Dr. Thacker wrote down his thoughts, the phrase “This is not going to work” often appeared. By identifying, he was able to deal with it and he was able to recognize it immediately instead of letting it impede his actions.
When you’ve identified the negative phrase that mostly re-occurs in your head, challenge it by asking yourself “How do I know that?” or “What if it does work?” in order to change it to positive, action-oriented thoughts, rather than demotivating ones. Remember to focus on what you should do instead of what you should avoid.
Surrounding yourself with supportive and optimistic people can also be a huge help.
Use the pronoun “you” more than using “I”. A study in The European Journal of Social Psychology stated that students who wrote self-advice using “you” completed more problems and are said to be happier to work on more than the students who wrote using “I”.
Using a second person point of view can also help us get a better perspective on the situation we’re facing.