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Experts unveil reasons why rejection is very painful and hurts so much

  • Rejection is generally one of the most sickening horror in life
  • Science reveals reasons why rejection is greatly feared
  • Experts share how to cope up and deal with rejection

Permitting yourself to be susceptible to rejection is the worst situation you could ever be on a day to day living. If the people around you doesn’t like you for who you really are, it could be a big blow to your ego.

When in terms of dealing with a romantic relationship, rejection can also be more hurting and many not-so-good things happen in your system.

According to studies, human brain records rejection identical to physical pain and if you are under major stress like what rejection does, the heart muscles get weak. It seems that our past explains why the pain is severe. If you were being outcasted from a specific group, it cannot only cause depression but it may turn to fatality.

To simplify it, if you are not tough enough to face rejection, you’re lifespan lessens. That is why the feeling of rejection is very alarming and sickening.

It is not common that rejection is associated with life and death. But why do we hate being rejected? According to experts, although we know how awful rejection feels, here’s what is really happening that makes us feel very disgusted with rejection.


Anxiety attacks caused by rejection can reduce the capability of the antibodies to defend the immune system. Dr. Mike Dow, a famous psychotherapist and author of the book entitled ‘Heal Your Drained Brain’,  shares “Brains are wired for mood-congruent recall.

Now, all the anxious memories of your life are lighting up… and it feels like your life is just one big mess.” He said that stress associated with rejection can speed up the heartbeat and will lead to sleeping disorders.

The psychotherapist continues, “Think of all the situations you freaked out about in the past but made your way through. That’s the contrary evidence that can help you through this terrible stressor, too.” If you can calm yourself down and take a deep breath, you can control the hormonal reactions of your body towards stress caused by being rejected.


If you will start to think that you are not good enough, not smart enough, not attractive enough and generally not enough, then you will feel that you lack something, this starts the concept of rejection.

Dr. Dow describes it as the pattern of personalization.

On the other hand, Susan Winter,  the relationship expert and the bestselling author states that if you will be reminded on how amazing you are by your family and friends and especially practice talking to yourself positively, you can get rid of attributing yourself with faults.

“Remember that this is only one person, and though significant, the fact that they no longer love you does not mean that you are unlovable,” she shares.


At first, you did not even know the reason or reasons why people liked or loved you but in a blink of an eye, they suddenly hate you for something you probably knew why. It is very painful and heartbreaking but it is also difficult to convince yourself why someone does not want you anymore the same way you want them before.

The relationship expert shares that “Love is whimsical and fickle. Something that was a solid part of our life can be gone in a flash — often times for reasons that not even our ex understands.”

“Remember always that the gift is greater than the giver,” she says. This means that you may no longer consider the famous quote which states “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” but keep in mind that it did exist and you were genuine about the amount of love you shared.


Being rejected has a major impact and affects the identity you created for yourself.

Relationship coach and behavioral scientist, Clarissa Silva, shares “We all have a narrative we’ve created about ourselves that shapes our self-perceptions, self-image and confidence.”

You should give yourself time to think and ask why you have attributed a specific image to yourself and how you can locate an alternative identity to start another new journey in life with or without a special someone.


The behavioral scientist points out that social comparisons or what she calls vanity validation somewhat make rejection feel so painful. “Your lauded self on social media is constantly seeking more validation through electronic likes, not life experiences,” Silva clarifies.

You may be the only one left brokenhearted and being single in the group of friends while others are very much happy with their love life.  But what you believe is right isn’t always true at all. People tend to share only the positive things in life but not the negative ones. Silva tells that “Remind yourself that comparing yourself to other people’s highlight reels can create a false reality.”


A squad is composed of at least two people teaming up together for a supposed purpose. At times, you can feel that it is the only two of you in a war versus the whole world. You relied on them, you shared happy and sad memories together and you permitted them to see you at your weakest link.

Dating coach and senior matchmaker Lori Salkin states that what you experienced is totally coherent to what is actually happening in the real world.

She explains that  “You feel betrayed that you shared so much of your heart and soul with someone who did not appreciate it and just took advantage of your mental and emotional investment in the relationship.”


The senior matchmaker also stresses that rejection can make someone feel bad in an instant.

“It is hard to see that that person was not right for you when you still have feelings for them and are in shock that they ended the relationship,” Salkin shares. You should take time for you to heal all the wounds. You will feel a little bit better if you also distance yourself from negativities in life.

No one can totally keep away from rejection in life. Every awesome individual has undergone the same way you experience this drastic drama at some point in life. The real score is that we cannot always get exactly the things we wanted and please all the people around us.

Salkin discloses that “Ultimately, you need to find someone perfect for you, no one is perfect.”

Please be reminded that rejection is never a manifestation of who you really are as an individual but rather it is about who you can be compatible with.

Written by Super Kaloy

Local Radio DJ Announcer | YouTube Content Creator | Social Media Influencer | Online Tambay ng Dumaguete
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